What Hath God Wrought?

Somehow, there's a popular belief that God/dess is omnipotent (all powerful, for those of you who don't read). I'd love to know who God/dess' agent is to put that one around. Anyway, what's the proof that God/dess is not all powerful?

Simple.

God would make a lousy talk show host. "Why bother asking you any questions? I know all the answers. Why am I laughing? I'm remembering the first time you farted." What attention-starving celebrity would put up with that? Skills needed for creating the Universe mean squat comparred to chatting up Madonna.

My dog Pony would make a better talk show host. It would go something like this:

Celeb: I love you, Pony! I'd jump on the couch, but I can't find one.
Pony: I'm not allowed on the furniture.

Well, Pony is allowed on the furniture in the house, but I think you get my point. SO it's up to you to polish up your talk show host skills, 'cause God ain't gonna do it for ya!

Poem: FootFoot Has Been Touched by God

This was a poem I wrote about 20 years ago about one of my guinea pigs, who in her later life suffered from seizures and hind-end paralysis.  It was first thought that she had epilepsy (after her necropsy, the cause was changed to cirrhosis).  Anyway, even though this isn't about a dog, I think it fits in with this blog.

The photo from the early 1990s shows, from left to right, Gweeker (silver agouti and white), Cocaine (black with white stripe up the nose), Peanut (brown, tan and white) and FootFoot (black.)  I consider my dogs to be great pig guinea pigs, but I do miss living with actual guinea pigs.

And, yes, my guinea pigs were better than God.




FootFoot Has Been Touched By God

You see, FootFoot the guinea pig has epilepsy
In ancient times she'd have a career in prophecy
For then those with fits
had been as seen as having been touched by God a bit

This thunderstorm of the brain
the seizures pouring down like rain
proves nothing can be the same
after the touch of God

The ancients knew that God can drive you crazy
Making a hurricane in your brain
And so Foot Foot lies on her back, thrashing
telling God to go away
and leave her alone
to nibble hay

Dogs Better for Women than God

Women get the short end of the stick in orgainzed religions such as Judaism, Christianity and Islam.  According to all three religions, it was one woman -- Eve -- that caused the "fall" of her entire species and sentenced them to an eternity in hell by a perfectly loving God.  Because of Eve, it has been acceptable for women to suffer.

Because of the Fall (which never has been proven to happen) women cannot even rise to the highest levels of powers within the very insititution that hates them -- religion. 

Now, let's look to how dogs treat women.  Dogs are companions, guardians, co-workers, confidants and literal life savers.  For example, dogs have been successfully trained to detect ovarian cancer in the urine of affected women.  The dogs are able to tell if a woman has cancer long before and conventional medical tests can or before any symptoms set in.

Accoding to the Fall, it was Satan in the form of a serpent that convinced Eve to eat the forbidden fruit.  In real life, women do not have to fear serpents when they are accompanyed by a faithful dog.  One such dog is a black Lab named Dante that saved his owner from a venomous snake.  Dante (pictured) nearly died from snake bites. There's proof that this story happened -- unlike the Fall.

And dogs do this all without telling women that they will go to hell for eating fruit.  Meanwhile, God does nothing (because God never existed.)

3 Images of Dogs Being Better Than God

Need visual proof that any dog is better than any God?  Then this is the place for you.  Open your mind and fasten your eyes on this trinity of divine dog images.  I was going to do 10 images, but I have a short attention span.  So here you go.

In the first image, we see that dogs get along with other species without worrying about spending too much time with soulless animals.

The dog in the second photo saved a baby from a certain death while God did nothing. The dog was later named Mkombozi or "Savior."

I don't know the story behind the dog in the third image, but I'm, not sure we really want to know. I have to go feed my dogs now.

Life: Better Keep That Receipt

Note: I wrote this back in 2006 on one of my other blogs and it still applies -- except now I don't bother praying and I have two dogs instead of one The grainy image to the left is Hugo and Pony playing.

Dear God/dess:

Can I get a refund for my life? In just the past few years I've been abused, been victim of arson, can't find a steady job, went through international air travel, continue to  suffer from major depression -- and now my saintly Mom is suffering from an infection given to her by a doctor with a dirty needle. This on top of her arthritis, deafness, scoliosis and something else ending in 's' that I'm forgetting at the moment.

On the bright  side, I now know what healthy pus looks like. Not that I realized there was such a thing as healthy pus. However, no one asks that for my job qualifications. I can't even blog regularly because I have to keep the phone line open for medical crap.

I've noticed that my dog Pony has gone through most of what I have, yet is happier than any lark. I seem to be better off praying to my dog than to You.

Zen Master Puppydog

Wonderful — the moon of this moment,

Distant, vast – Ryokan

When first learning about Zen and/or meditation, you can get a headache.  In the West, it’s just not a concept that is introduced to us like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.  However, one of the best things you can do for your health and to lower your stress levels is to take up meditation.  To learn how to meditate, we all need to learn from the Zen Masters — our dogs.

 The Guard Dog Next Door

We’ve lived next door to this German Shepherd-type guard dog named Bear who always growls and barks at my dog whenever she comes into view.  My poor neighbor has been working hard to get Bear to be quieter but gets exasperated with Bear sometimes.  "You see this dog every day!"  he finally yelled.  "Why do you have to bark!"

"You never know," I said, grinning.  "Bear let’s her guard down for one moment and THAT’S when Pony {my dog} is going to do something!"

We had a good laugh over the ways of dogs, but it did serve to remind me about meditation.

The Moon Of This Moment

In meditating, you are only mentally present in the moment.  There is no past, there is no future.  There is only now.  This serves to not only help you stop worrying, but to appreciate the beauty in everyday things.  But how to do this is much, much easier said than done.  It’s like trying to express the inexpressable. 

However, dogs teach us all about living in the moment.  No matter what happened the day before, they wake up wagging their tails.  When they greet you, it’s as if you’ve been gone for ages because, for them, it has been ages.  When they look out the window or are on guard duty, they are entirely absorbed in watching, taking nothing for granted.  Yes, they might have seen that old white alley cat walk by a million times before, but they are going to track that cat as if it was the first time — because you never know…the cat might suddenly try to break into the house and steal all of the Milkbones!

I’d continue on with even more examples, but my dog Pony is currently staring at me and whining to play ball.  Ah, I guess I have no choice but to obey my guru.  It’s for my own good.

10 Reasons Why My Dog Is Better Than Your God

This is my dog, Pony.  She's my  best friend.  Chances are your dog (or cat, or ferret or whatever) is your best friend and does more tangible good for you every day.

And yet, if you talk about your pet to a religious person, they usually say, "God gave you that dog."

God had NOTHING to do with my dog (or your dog.)  Is God wagging the tail?  Nope.  Your dog is wagging his or her own tail, thank you very much. 

I know the word "reasons" will go over most people's heads, but let's get on with the list, shall we?

1. My dog pulled me from a riverbank.  God did nothing.
2. My dog found us food when the both of us were homeless.  God, once again, did nothing. 
3. My dog doesn't care who I sleep with.  God supposedly does.
4. My dog does not warn me that I will suffer in eternal hell-fire should I not worship her.  God, however, has nothing else to do than damn people to Hell for not kissing His butt.
5. My dog likes me just as I am.  I'm never good enough for God.
6. My dog once pooped out a plastic cigarette ligher that she had swallowed.  I've yet to read of God doing that in any so-called Holy Book.
7. My dog loves all people.  God loves some people more than others.
8. My dog makes me interact with others when I walk her or work in order to pay for her food.  God made me with endoenous recurring depresson.
9. My dog is happy in the present moment.  God seems obsessed with both the past (keeps a list of sins) and the future (that whole Revelation thing.)
10. My dog exists.  God does not.